Man Loses Memory; Shows Up At Emergency Room

A frantic businessman rushed into the emergency room, threw his attaché case on the reception desk, and exclaimed, "Nurse, I need help!"

The noise woke her up, and she said, "What?"

"This is an emergency!" he said.

"You'll have to take your place in line," she informed him.

"What line?" he replied, looking around. "The place is empty."

"Oh," she admitted, and held out her hand. "Can I have your insurance card?"

"Sure," he said, "what's that?"

"Proof that you have health insurance."

"Oh, proof," he said.

Just then a door flew open and a man was wheeled across the room on a table, accompanied by a doctor with a notepad.

"Relax," the doctor told him. "It's only a heart attack."

"But I need help, now, or I could die," the man informed him.

"Don't be silly," the doctor replied. "I already gave you aspirin. That increases survival rate by an average of 33.3%. Now, I have to ask you some questions. Up to four blood vessels in your heart may need replacement."

"So?"

"Your insurance only covers two. I need your permission to do the others."

"OK, OK!" the man consented.

"Good," the doctor acknowledged. "Now, would you like anesthesia?"

"Of course," the patient said.

"Excellent," the surgeon went on. "Your policy is vague on that. Now, when I'm done with the bypass, would you like me to sew you back up?"

"What!?" the patient needed to know.

"Your insurance only covers the incision," the doctor informed him.

At that point, the patient was wheeled off through the other door.

The businessman turned his attention back to the night nurse. "Nurse! I can't wait all day. I have appointments to keep!"

"Maybe you should come back later," she let him know.

"I would, if I could," he told her. "But that's my problem. I can't remember what my appointments are."

"Why not?"

"It's terrible, just terrible," he nearly cried. "I lost my memory!"

"Oh," she noted, and handed him a form on a clipboard. "First, you have to fill this out."

He looked it over, and said, "I'm in deep trouble."

"Is there a problem?" the nurse asked.

"You want to know things like my name, my address, and my phone number! How can I tell you stuff like that when I lost my memory?"

"I'm sorry, sir. Everyone has to fill one of these out. If you can't do it yourself, you'll have to have a family member or friend do it for you."

"But, nurse," he explained, "if I could remember who my family and friends are, I'd still have my memory."

"I'm sorry," she insisted, "rules are rules."

Just then a cute young wife hurried in, pulling her husband along. He seemed to be in pain and held a small paper bag.

"Excuse me," she told the businessman, and addressed the nurse. "This is an emergency!"

"Oh," the nurse said.

"We have to see a doctor right away," the man added through his apparent agony.

"I'll be with you in a minute," the nurse responded.

"I don't have a minute!" the man replied.

"We have to see a doctor now!" the wife told her.

"Everybody does," the businessman observed, obviously getting into the swing of things. Then, as if to himself, he lamented, "Oh, I used to have such a great memory! I mean, I could never recite The Iliad or anything like that. But, as least, I could remember my name and address!"

"You don't understand, nurse," the wife pressed on. "There's not a second to spare!"

"What's seems to be the problem?" the nurse asked.

"We had an argument," the man sighed, and nearly fainted.

"I love him," the wife said. "You have to believe I love him. And I'm sorry. But–"

"– What?" asked the nurse.

The man pointed to the bag, and said, "She cut off my navel."

"Your navel?" the nurse inquired, and turned to the wife. "Why that part?"

"She said, 'I wish you were never born,'" the husband told her. "Then she whacked it off."

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry," his wife said, consoling him with a pat or two.

"I need somebody to sew it back on before it's too late," the man said.

The nurse gave his wife a clipboard with a form on it. "Fill out this paper and have a seat.